Luther's Marriage with Katie

Now here's a romantic comedy. Dr. Barrett, a prof from Southern Seminary gives a glimpse into Luther's Marriage with Katherine Von Bora. Luther and Katie had 6 children, adopted 4, and regularly had several orphans find shelter in their home - once having 25 under their roof! Looking back on marriage Luther says:

"The first love is drunken. 

When the intoxication wears off, 

then comes the real marriage love."

What Do Guys Look for in a Girl?

Two months ago I posted "Looking for a Real Christian Woman". It's humbling when the largest reading this blog has ever had was a re-posted article (receiving 170+ hits). After you've read that post, this should be a good-balancer. I'm pretty biased myself, when it comes to what qualities a girl should have. To be fair, I decided to collect from a group of my Christian friends what qualities they look for (or would look) in a girl whom they want to marry. I asked 11 guys from across the board: 2 married, 3 engaged, 2 dating, and 4 who aren't dating. I compiled their responses into fifteen traits/standards that guys are looking for in a girl (after traits 1 & 2 there is no order).

One of the guys responded with this essential to have before reading any of these criteria/traits. He says...

Before looking at all these criteria and thinking: "She has to be like this!", I remind myself that the work I have to do is first and foremost in my own life... for God to make me a man that fulfills these criteria personally. I cannot expect of my future wife anything that I am not expecting of myself, when it comes to these criteria. May the Lord allow me to please him and be myself a man of God instead of eagerly seeking someone who fits with all my desires.

15 Traits for a Woman

1 - Her foremost love is for God
She actually loves Jesus. She loves the Lord, and it is genuine. This is essential so that we are both longing for the same goal as we belong to Christ. The cross of Christ in her life is central.

2 - Christian life matches up with her love for God
She loves others and its rooted in what Christ has done for her. She isn't bogus or putting on her "being Christian" face for others, especially for me. She acts the way she does because she loves God since he first loved her.

3 - Fun
She doesn't take herself too seriously. We laugh together and at each other. She's not rude, yet she has a quality sense of humour.

4 - Prayer & Bible Reading
She talks with God. Her time with God is of daily import. She's always growing here and is excited to talk about what God is teaching her.

5 - Selfless
She thinks about treating others as she would want to be treated. She's known for doing things without being asked.

6 - Complimentary with her gifts to myself
She seeks to help me where I'm weak and to point out where I can improve. As well, she affirms me at what I'm good at.

7 - Disciplined
She's not lazy. She's focussed and determined to be diligent with her time.

8 - Money is not her master
She has a biblical view on money. She isn't drawn, ruled, or controlled by it. She works hard and lives within her budget.

9 - Communicates
She is a good listener; she listens then speaks in response - she's not just waiting for you to stop talking so its her turn. She is honest and clear and speaks with kindness. She's not known for being loud and/or in-your-face.

10 - Wisdom
She is prudent. She knows she is a sinner and is not all-knowing. She learns and changes her life from her mistakes. She's invites critique and is open to reason.

11 - Physical
She takes care of herself. Exercises and eats good. She isn't obsessed with how she looks but she's not a slob by any means. She spends more time in her Bible in the morning than on her hair and face.

12 - Local Church
She meets with the local church and sees that its essential to be apart of. She actively helps out and serves where she can.

13 - Family
She doesn't just say "they're important", she actually loves them. She spends time with them, phones them. She wants kids. She knows and wants her ministry to be first with her own family. She doesn't neglect them.

14 - Currently Submits
To those who are over her - her dad (and mum), her elders, her boss, her landlord. She shows submission to these authorities by obeying them willingly.

15 - Domestic (Cooking & Cleaning)
She cooks...and its good (or at least she's improving)! Even though she may hate cooking and cleaning, she does it out of love for those around her. She's not stuck-up, but sees the necessity of looking after the home. Even if she works she's willing to help out significantly.

Tell me if the list gave you a shock or if you were nodding your head.
What would you add/take away from the list?

Are You Looking For A Real Christian Woman?

I usually don't post other people's blog posts, I just recommend them in passing. This however was one of the most blunt and needed posts I have read all year. To any of my unmarried brothers, you need to read this. Take a study break, and let this reality soak in. It's concerning you're prowling for a mate.

Man Enough to Love a Real Woman by Joshua Rogers Cory, one of my happily married friends, was annoyed with some of his single, male buddies. "Joshua, it's so irritating," he said. "I suggest a woman to them, but they say 'she's not attractive enough,' or she's lacking in some other area. And here's the crazy part: In every case — without exception — the woman is way out of their league." I shook my head. "I know. I used to be like those guys, always finding a problem with every woman I dated. I didn't realize I was the one with the problem." And my problem was pride. I measured women against a vague standard of perfection that eliminated each woman almost as soon as I met her. It was a pageant of sorts, where women were scored in a number of categories. And somehow I had gotten it into my head that I was worthy to be their judge. The Perfect Christian Girl I was like a lot of single, Christian guys. I just wanted to follow God's will in finding a wife — that's all — oh yeah, and I also wanted a modest version of the Cosmo girl. And, well, I didn't want her to be too needy. Oh, and she also needed to be smart — really smart — but not, like, so smart that she made me feel stupid. And, of course, she needed to be spiritually mature (you know, like me). And one more thing: I wanted her to have a cool and fun personality (whatever that meant). In other words, I wanted to date the perfect Christian girl — not a real woman. Of course, I knew what a real woman was like. I grew up in a Christian home with lots of real women around, each of them imperfect in one way or another, yet fully feminine. These women had opinions, unshakable faith, curves, feelings, hormonal surges, weight fluctuations, talents, wrinkles and a regular need for affirmation. It didn't bother me: It was part of who they were, and I loved them for it. But when it came to prospective mates, I wasn't so gracious. I figured I deserved to have the best qualities of every woman wrapped into a nice package, waiting at the end of a rainbow. And yet, despite meeting dozens of women in my quest, I could never find that perfect, Christian girl. But that didn't stop me from looking for her — until I discovered that, in fact, I wasn't the perfect Christian guy. Dealing With Reality Just before meeting my lovely bride, a series of unfortunate circumstances and poor decisions collided, bringing out my worst (seriously, trust me, it was ugly). When the train wreck was over, I felt I would be lucky if any Christian woman would take me. Though it may sound like it, I wasn't suffering from low self-esteem. I was finally dealing with reality. Before, I assumed my future wife should have the perfect intellect, teeth, personality, body type, people skills and past. But in the face of my brokenness, it occurred to me: An imperfect guy can't demand something from a woman that he can't give. Learning Humility Around the time of that revelation, I met my wife at a party on Capitol Hill. Unlike before, I didn't think, I'll consider taking that girl out. I thought, I wonder if she would go out with me. I cautiously introduced myself, and as we talked, I found myself focusing on her qualities, rather than mentally trying to ferret out her deficiencies. We eventually began dating, and I continued humbling myself — indeed,enjoying myself — leaving her feeling comfortable, honored and beautiful. As our relationship progressed, I found myself looking up at her, seeing her as a daughter of the King rather than looking down on her as another prospective contestant. Essentially, I was loving her for who she was, leaving behind my job as a self-appointed judge in an impossible-to-win pageant. I pursued her all the way to the altar, and I'm still pursuing her today. Are You Man Enough? To those single guys out there who are trying to find the ideal woman, do the world a favor and give up. You're not the ideal man — not anywhere close. And you would never get married if women held you to the same standard you apply to them. But maybe you insist that you're not going to settle for a woman who's not everything you're hoping for in a wife. Settle? Whatever the circumstances, believe me, she will be the one who settles for you and all your deficits. And until you realize this — through humbling circumstances or otherwise — maybe you should take a break from dating for a while and spend some time asking God to make you man enough to love a real woman. [H/T Challies] Copyright 2011 Joshua Rogers. All rights reserved. This article was published on Boundless.org on August 3, 2011.

The School of Love

For those of us who are in training or happen to be enrolled, here are some invaluable tips for marriage. They were given to Mrs. M. Kassian from her mother on the occassion of her 60th wedding anniversary. Here's what she encourages her daughter with:

1) Don’t confuse love with infatuation. Love is much more than just a feeling—it’s a choice.
2) Love is giving and serving.
3) To love, you need to “grow up” and make mature instead of childish choices.
4) When you say “I do” on your wedding day, you enter into the school of love. Remember that you will always be a student. Learning how to love requires constant, life-long effort.
5) As you go through life, you will have to adjust to one another again and again.
6) To overcome difficulties, you have to set aside personal interests and die to self. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
7) Always try to esteem, recognize and encourage your spouse.
8) Read Gods precious Word together for encouragement and guidance.
9) Pray together.
10) Use the “Love Passage” (1 Corinthians 13) to regularly evaluate if you’re doing a good job loving your spouse:

Am I patient with my spouse?
Am I kind to my spouse?
Am I envious of, or feel like I’m in competition with my spouse?
Am I boastful that I am better than my spouse?
Am I rude toward my spouse?
Am I seeking my own interests rather than my spouse’s interests?
Am I easily angered?
Do I keep a record of wrongs?
Do I always protect and guard our relationship?
Do I choose to trust my spouse?
Do I hold on to hope for our marriage?
Do I always persevere?
Does my love for my spouse never fail?

You can read the whole article here.

Male Superiority?

Doesn't man have superiority over women? What should we think of the Muslim approach? 


"Because men and women are equal (by creation and in Christ), there can be no question of the inferiority of either to the other.  But because they are complementary, there can be no question of the identity of one with the other.  Further, this double truth throws light on male-female relationships and roles.  Because they have been created by God with equal dignity, men and women must respect, love, serve, and not despise one another.  Because they have been created complementary to each other, men and women must recognize their differences and not try to eliminate them or usurp one another's distinctives."

*From "Issues Facing Christians Today" (revised and enlarged edn. London: Collins/Marshall Pickering, 1990), p. 263.
Excerpted from "Authentic Christianity", p. 145, IVP. Thanks John Stott.