What Do Guys Look for in a Girl?

Two months ago I posted "Looking for a Real Christian Woman". It's humbling when the largest reading this blog has ever had was a re-posted article (receiving 170+ hits). After you've read that post, this should be a good-balancer. I'm pretty biased myself, when it comes to what qualities a girl should have. To be fair, I decided to collect from a group of my Christian friends what qualities they look for (or would look) in a girl whom they want to marry. I asked 11 guys from across the board: 2 married, 3 engaged, 2 dating, and 4 who aren't dating. I compiled their responses into fifteen traits/standards that guys are looking for in a girl (after traits 1 & 2 there is no order).

One of the guys responded with this essential to have before reading any of these criteria/traits. He says...

Before looking at all these criteria and thinking: "She has to be like this!", I remind myself that the work I have to do is first and foremost in my own life... for God to make me a man that fulfills these criteria personally. I cannot expect of my future wife anything that I am not expecting of myself, when it comes to these criteria. May the Lord allow me to please him and be myself a man of God instead of eagerly seeking someone who fits with all my desires.

15 Traits for a Woman

1 - Her foremost love is for God
She actually loves Jesus. She loves the Lord, and it is genuine. This is essential so that we are both longing for the same goal as we belong to Christ. The cross of Christ in her life is central.

2 - Christian life matches up with her love for God
She loves others and its rooted in what Christ has done for her. She isn't bogus or putting on her "being Christian" face for others, especially for me. She acts the way she does because she loves God since he first loved her.

3 - Fun
She doesn't take herself too seriously. We laugh together and at each other. She's not rude, yet she has a quality sense of humour.

4 - Prayer & Bible Reading
She talks with God. Her time with God is of daily import. She's always growing here and is excited to talk about what God is teaching her.

5 - Selfless
She thinks about treating others as she would want to be treated. She's known for doing things without being asked.

6 - Complimentary with her gifts to myself
She seeks to help me where I'm weak and to point out where I can improve. As well, she affirms me at what I'm good at.

7 - Disciplined
She's not lazy. She's focussed and determined to be diligent with her time.

8 - Money is not her master
She has a biblical view on money. She isn't drawn, ruled, or controlled by it. She works hard and lives within her budget.

9 - Communicates
She is a good listener; she listens then speaks in response - she's not just waiting for you to stop talking so its her turn. She is honest and clear and speaks with kindness. She's not known for being loud and/or in-your-face.

10 - Wisdom
She is prudent. She knows she is a sinner and is not all-knowing. She learns and changes her life from her mistakes. She's invites critique and is open to reason.

11 - Physical
She takes care of herself. Exercises and eats good. She isn't obsessed with how she looks but she's not a slob by any means. She spends more time in her Bible in the morning than on her hair and face.

12 - Local Church
She meets with the local church and sees that its essential to be apart of. She actively helps out and serves where she can.

13 - Family
She doesn't just say "they're important", she actually loves them. She spends time with them, phones them. She wants kids. She knows and wants her ministry to be first with her own family. She doesn't neglect them.

14 - Currently Submits
To those who are over her - her dad (and mum), her elders, her boss, her landlord. She shows submission to these authorities by obeying them willingly.

15 - Domestic (Cooking & Cleaning)
She cooks...and its good (or at least she's improving)! Even though she may hate cooking and cleaning, she does it out of love for those around her. She's not stuck-up, but sees the necessity of looking after the home. Even if she works she's willing to help out significantly.

Tell me if the list gave you a shock or if you were nodding your head.
What would you add/take away from the list?

Richard Baxter on the Responsibility of Christian Conversation

Be sure to do most where you have most authority and obligation. He that will neglect and slight his family, relations, children, and servants, who are under him, and always with him, and yet be zealous for the conversion of strangers, doth reveal much hypocrisy, and showeth, that it is something else than the love of souls, or sense of duty, which carrieth him on.

View the rest of "Motives to Christian Conference and Exhortation".

One Big Step

I asked.
She said "Yes".
That's how it went down for Justine and I.
We got engaged on December 22, 2011.
We're thanking the Lord for how far he's brought us and
where he's going to bring us.
Now I gotta get that kilt ready.

The Exceptions aka the Barn Band

Tyler, me, and Daniel (Now)

Heres's the boys and I getting together. We went to hang out at Salem Haven (Ty's place) over the break. Ever since high school we'd come to Ty's place and hide out in his barn for hours on the weekend. The barn has over a dozen stalls that were used for keeping horses before Ty's folks bought the place. One of them got insulated (some-what) and had a door thrown on it and carpet put down. We got the pearl kit in there, tys bass, my guitar and a few disco lights. We'd be in there almost every weekend throughout high school. It was our getaway. Here's a little snip-bit of those days.

Ty, Dano, me (Then)

Have a Happy New Year,
Love on behalf of The Exceptions.
Coming soon to a Wild Wing near you. 

TBS - Back in Action

Looks like school is about a week away. Lord-willing, this will be my last semester at TBS. It's been some great times here in the core of Tdot. Justine and I were just saying how we are going to miss walking everywhere in a matter of minutes from Allen Gardens. Studying the Bible formally, I would recommend to everyone before they pursue job/career/marriage. Even if its just for one year. I hope my kids will one day. I've made some great buddies here at school. Learning theology with the friends I've made here has broken down a lot of bogus bounderies socially, that I'm glad for. Learning that Christ needs to be first in all things really brings together a motley crew. Speaking of the crew...

Where art thou Stauffer?

Well? 

Get your jet-pack on and get back here already!

Paul Brandt's had enough of you - get Ontario-bound, on the double!

Forgiveness: What It Ain't and What It Is

Be kind to one another,

tenderhearted,

forgiving one another

as God in Christ 

forgave you. 

Ephesians 4:32

Contrary to the Myths:
1 - Forgiving is not forgetting.
2 - Forgiving does not mean you no longer feel the pain of their offense.

3 - Forgiving does not mean you cease longing for justice.

4 - Forgiving does not mean you make it easy for the offender to hurt you again. 

5 - Forgiving an offense happens once but may occur more than once. 

Truth:

1 - Forgiveness was granted to us by God, when Christ forgave us by absorbing in himself the destructive and painful consequences of our sin against him. In forgiving others to some degree there is going to be consequences that you have to absorb.

2 - Forgiveness cancels the debt we owe God, when it is forgiven in Christ. We no longer have to pay for our sins, we are accountable but no longer liable. When you forgive you don't bring it back up to increase guilt or shame. Drop the grudge, bitterness, and anger. The love which brought your forgiveness should stay in bloom. 

3 - Forgiveness from God means we resolve to revoke our revenge. That inclination to revenge you cast it off and act out of love. You won't use your past suffering to justify your present sin. 

4 - Forgiveness from God means we determine to do good to others
rather than evil.

5 - Forgiveness from God in Christ has reconciled us back to God. He restores the relationship that our sin shattered. We seek to be reconciled with others and so emulate God's forgiveness.


*This is taken from a larger article:

Click here for the full article posted By Sam Storms.

The Botany of Friendship

To see friendship blossom in beauty 

a seed must be dug deep in trust,

packed down with selflessness,

and watered with gallons of time.

Back at TBS

I'm back on Jarvis and Gerrard it seems for another semester of Bible College at TBS. Pretty stellar - I'm back with my housemates Adam & Benoit from last year and Stauffer is just 2 houses over - it's great to see old friends again. Great to reconnect and catch up on the summer and have some good laughs together. We have 3 new guys in our house pretty excited to get to know them. Here's my get-up for this year - ground zero for the majority of the coming year's blogging, devos, Greek hmwrk, reading, stranger watching in the park, prayer, meditation, talks with friends, and the occasional nap.
And no that's a man not a dog that was barking outside my window a few moments ago.
Good ol' Toronto - glad to be back.

Thanks to Stauffer last year, Coffee has become a significant component in my bloodstream. Over the summer I acquired a french press from Crappy-Tire - the press however, not so crappy.
Just ask Javex. Here's this morning's brew.

The Band...

Since my friend Ian Clary decided to post about his band I thought I should give you (all three of my blogosphere fans, and somebody from Germany!) a glimpse into my high-school past. Left to right: Your's Truly, Daniel Sylvester, & Tyler VanHalteren (both of which are single...ladies). We spent most of our highschool lives jamming out in Ty's barn in Claremont and staying up late watching thriller movies. We were called the Exceptions. We played about 12 shows in 2 years. It were pretty hype.  If you're wondering how I got to know Justine, she was our biggest fan... some say she still has our first show on VHS somewhere...

No Greater Friendship

Greater love has no one 

than this, 

that one lay down his life 

for his friends.

John 15:13

Man, you cut me deep

"Faithful 

are the wounds of a friend;

profuse 

are the kisses of an enemy"

Proverbs 27:6

Think about a doctor having to cut open a cancer patient. Once the incision is made he can get the cancer out, patch them up and send them to the ICU until they are restored to health. But to help the patient, he first had to cut into the skin. It is unimaginable to think that this doctor who, knew the patient had cancer, to say: "don't you worry, time should heal that". That doctor would lose his job and likely be sent to jail for not operating.

Lately, a friend of mine has been having doubts in his Christian walk. He keeps clinging to the next question and debatable topic over the Bible, Jesus, salvation, etc. We met this past week to have a beer and catch-up. As we did we reminded ourselves of the awesome truths of Christ, and we realized how God had deepened our relationship with each other. Over the years we've seen each other in the good and bad, through school, dating different girls, struggling with life choices, going out of our way to meet up, to email, phone, even send letters. God has grown us up and laid a mutual trust. So in a struggle, we look to the other for direction and honesty, not to butter the other up with "kisses" or false delights.

In Proverbs 27:6, there are 2 types of persons in view. The one who brings pain because he is faithful in telling the truth, and the one whose false comments are a veil, a trick, which will soon bring real pain. Both persons bring pain, one out of faithfulness, one out of deceit. Looking at verse 5 is crucial as well: "Better is open rebuke, than hidden love". How are we to build each other up when sin and/or ungodly traits are present? It is not by glossing over their sinful tendencies and still saying that we love them. It is by assessing their sin and rebuking it. If we love them we will bring it to their attention and seek their restoration to godliness. This is a faithfulness that is incumbent between friends. Friends, who want to see the other built up and conformed to Christ, will have it no other way.

As I can attest with my close doubting friend, it is comforting to have a friend who would come to me with his concerns. And I know if my doubts come I will have him there for me. Having faithful friends, those who care and are concerned for us definitely stirs up thankfulness to God.

Let's resolve to be honest not to hide our love for our friends but rebuke them in love and comfort them with the joy of the gospel for sinners who repent to Jesus. 

What 's the big deal about being a friend?

As we are getting to know those around us we experience both the collision and the calming nature of social interaction. It can be quite challenging. And for a few of us we'll become friends. I've been reading through Job this week and came across Job's time when his three friends come to him in his distress. They are assured that it is because of sin that he experiences his torture, and Job is lamenting and complaining on the whole process. As he does, there is a spark of wisdom that comes from his mouth concerning the character between a man and his friend. The ESV and NLT translations give a complementary approach to Job 6:14:

"One should be kind to a fainting friend, 
but you have accused me
without the slightest fear of the Almighty."
- New-Living Translation

"He who withholds kindness from a friend
forsakes the fear of the Almighty."
- English Standard Translation

Job is in anguish after everything has been taken from him. He ponders what his friend Eliphaz has just spoken to him and how his three friends - Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar - are treating him. Not with kindness, but they assume it is his own fault that he is in trouble. No consideration, no comfort, no kindness. Job then states that they are acting without the slightest fear of God. They aren't even helping him understand how he has gone away, if he even has (6:24). Here Job sees it more likely for them to sell and barter their friend before showing any sincere love to him (6:27).
From this small text, we see a glimpse of how much friends mean to each other in times of distress. Our response and approach should be to show our care and wanting to restore them. When one is kind they are described as: friendly, generous, considerate, charitable, a person that is motivated from a sympathetic understanding. And what is our fuel to do such - what is our motivation? Our fuel is to do what is acceptable and approved in the sight of the God-Almighty. To show compassion. It is to mirror his character and kindness. The same kindness that sent Christ to die for his enemies, for his church, and for his friends.
To lack in kindness, is to deny God. I know there are times for sternness, times for discipline, times for instruction, but a love for God and his glory is our motivation, and if others are rightfully feeling hated and despised, we are not in the right. I repeat - we are not in the right.
As 1 John 2:9-10 states that even if we say we love God and hate our brother - we are liars.
Let us resolve to love others by showing kindness to them. This is one of the stronger roots of friendship. This is one of the marks of God's Holy Spirit on Christians. This is a mark we need to be known by. 

Defining Friendship

My close friend Tyler sent me this talk on friendship this past fall.
I'm not a huge Driscoll fanatic, but this talk has been helpful. I've learned to assess my relationships
with other people a lot through it from a biblical standpoint.
Have a listen and tell me what you think.

For friends

I just finished re-listening to this speech by Dr. M.A.G. Haykin at Southwestern Seminary last week. It's on friendship, specifically looking at Andrew Fuller and John Ryland's relationship. Very encouraging and capturing. 

"Your friend who is as your own soul..."

This statement comes right out of Deuteronomy 13:6.

In context the LORD speaks to Moses stating the severity of idolatry, that is serving other gods. And that if anyone in Israel entices a person to leave YHWH and serve idols they must stone him. It didn't matter who it was, even if they are best friends, that person and their gods should never be put above the Everlasting God.
In that community of Israel all the people had just been delivered from Egypt, out of slavery. To say that God had not brought the plagues and spared Israel, that he had not split the waters of the Red Sea, that he had not sustained them with manna to eat, would be to deny everything that God had done, depriving him of his praise and honour.

But the quote here of who a friend is to a man is startling.
As your own soul...

A friendship this close doesn't come by everyday. It isn't made overnight. It May not come early in life, it may not come in marriage, it may not come until old age.
Disheartening as it may be, does such a friendship in this life with another human ever occur?
There is one friendship that of Jesus Christ which is exceedingly great. This friendship comes through the repentance and faith in his sacrifice.

But how about in Christian circles? How about between one Christian and another?
How often do friendships get so deep that we would call another person - as our own soul?
I hope I can grow in one this far.
But from what I am learning, it will cost me - time.
For the seed of friendship to blossom,
the watering must be done with gallons of time.